I recently experienced a very awkward moment when I bumped into my neighbor’s husband at a Caesar’s Palace cocktail lounge. I saw him canoodling (that word kinda grosses me out) with a woman half his age. We made eye contact and then I continued on my way. In my professional life as a divorce mediator, it goes without saying that I’ve heard many stories about infidelity. I’m not inclined to judge what goes on behind the closed doors of others, but the “incident at Caesar’s” posed a moral dilemma. Should I say something?
Awhile back, my niece told me she was convinced that her babysitter was taking drugs. She decided to talk to the parents, and was told that the girl has been on anti-seizure medication for years. In fact, the babysitter’s mom was insulted by the accusation. Should my niece have said something?
I have a friend who’s a nutritionist. She recently showed me a photo of her cousin’s pre-teen son who already weighs more than 250 pounds and is clearly following in the unhealthy footsteps of his obese parents. My friend is obviously knowledgeable about healthy eating, and she happens to have a pre-teen kid herself, so she is also well aware of how kids that age can treat each other. Should she say something to the parents?
After the third time you’ve noticed multiple bruises on your hairdresser’s face, and she tells you once again that she fell, or bumped into something because she’s clumsy, you can’t help but assume she’s being abused. Do you say something to her?
I said something to the Target store manager last July when I saw a dog locked in a car with no open windows. I said something to a young mother when her toddler dropped his pacifier. I said something to the grocery store cashier when he gave me $20 too much in change.
We certainly don’t need to be reminded to say something when obvious situations occur, particularly when public and personal safety are at risk. It’s the subtle ethical and moral issues that make me ask myself, “should I say something?” And the follow-up question, what if I’m wrong?
My canoodling neighbor left me little doubt that there was some hanky-panky going on, yet there could have been another explanation. Should I say something even if I might be responsible for causing an unnecessary firestorm?
We’ve all gotten the message, “If you see something, say something.” If you’re assuming that these words pertain only to unattended luggage at the airport, or suspicious packages in your mailbox, you may need to broaden your scope. I’m digging deeper because I’m looking for some rules to govern moral and ethical dilemmas.
Would you say something to my neighbor’s wife? How about to my hairdresser? Should my niece have expressed her concern to the babysitter’s parents? What about the nutritionist’s overweight cousin (and his overweight/obese parents)?
Please comment to share your thoughts. What should I have done? What guides you? When do YOU say something?
Reading this causes a lump in my throat. So many different factors!
Wow. I agree on the different factors. Seems to me, that unless asked most people don’t want our helpful advice. For me, the only exception would be if a child was being abused, physically or emotionally, I suppose the over weight child is being abused, but where is the line? We live in some very difficult times, and I find that being open to others, the hairdresser for example, might allow them to bring their problems to us, rather than us taking the initiative to intervene where we are not wanted.
Wow..:that is such a hard question! So many factors and situations…Of course if there is personal or public safety involved – speak up. Depending on how close I am to the neighbor…not sure if I would say something.
As far as your neighbor, maybe his wife was in the bathroom or it was his favorite neice. Jumping to conclusions with out all of the facts is not a good thing. The baby sitter yes as your kids are in their hands. The person being abused absolutely to the person being abused. The big thing is not so much what you say but how you say it. Saying something with concern will generally be received in a positive way. Being a big mouth I do not hesitate to say things but only after I have thought through it. But that is just me.
Not my party, not my monkeys. I have enough trouble in my own life without insinuating myself in the lives of others.
These are always tough decisions. I can honestly say in my own experience it really depended on how receptive the person I Said something to received it. There was one situation in which a girlfriend of mine who I didn’t have a long history with had invited me along for a night out with friends including a man She was very interested in. The next day this man invited me out.I told him no because this one woman was my friend.I decided to tell her that this guy she was so hot for was asking me out and it turned out very badly.She didn’t believe meAnd thought I was just being a jealous bitch.The other situation was at a girlfriends birthday party with whom I did have a long history and the guy she was interested in also asked me out.Again I said no and I told her about it.She was so grateful she came over with a thank you note and a bottle of champagne.