Have you ever wondered what would happen to your household if you went A.W.O.L. for a month and moved to the beach? Will your business survive if you weren’t there to run it? Maybe you’re suffering from what I like to call “the curse of competency.”
The big question here is why? Why do you feel like running away? Why do you worry about how things will be handled if you don’t handle them yourself?
Could it be that you don’t feel appreciated?
Many of my friends have expressed to me from time to time, that they’ve felt taken for granted. Their kids have no clue how hard mom and dad work, their employers don’t care if they have a toothache or a broken dishwasher, and their partners expect the refrigerator to be full, the dishwasher empty, and the car maintained.
So, let me ask you this: are you able to ask for help? Although it can be difficult for a variety of reasons, being unable to ask might be a reason why you feel over-burdened and under-appreciated. Carrying that weight all by yourself is stressful. Thinking that you’re the only one who can do it well is generally untrue.
It should come as no surprise that the feeling of being under-valued is a major contributing factor in divorce as well as toward deciding to quit your job. “I feel like I just don’t matter” is a sentence I’ve heard all too often. Perceiving that there’s an imbalance in what you do for others versus what others do for you is usually at the core of these feelings.
When we do something thoroughly, or kindly, or especially helpfully, our reason should be that we’ve chosen to do so, and not because we want recognition or reciprocation. I had that epiphany a few years ago about this. It happened at a local sandwich shop where, whose policy for the cashier to yell out, “Beer Money” when you put money in the tip jar. Once, my tip went unnoticed, and I was disappointed that I didn’t get to hear “Beer Money.” By the time I got into my car, I realized that I needed to adjust my thinking. The tip was for them, and not for me.
If we apply the “Beer Money” principle to our feelings of being unappreciated and wanting to run away, we may be surprised at the shift in our thinking. Try isolating one instance where you felt taken for granted. Maybe it was your idea to surprise your co-worker with pizza in the breakroom to celebrate his birthday, but he didn’t single you out for credit in his appreciation. Did you order the pizza so he would know that the idea came from you? Or did you plan the surprise because it brought you joy?
If you consider your reason for going above and beyond rather than what it will get you in return, you might feel less like running away.
