This is a story about how generations differ and evolve, especially when it comes to child-rearing. And this is also a story about love.
Let me introduce you to Sally, a retired elementary school teacher who frequently helps out her daughter, Ashley, by babysitting for Ashley’s baby. (I’m not going to tell you the baby’s name in order to protect her from future embarrassment.)
Sally and Ashley have always had a healthy mother-daughter relationship. They wouldn’t exactly describe themselves as girlfriends, but they are fairly close. Yet there’s never been a question about who’s the parent; that is, until Ashley had a baby. And that’s when things started to change.
Sally was full of wisdom and experience on all child-rearing topics from breastfeeding to discipline. And Ashley was full of enthusiasm and peer group support on the very same topics. Do you think they mostly agreed? They didn’t. In fact, they weren’t on the same page about much of anything. Sally thought that the baby should be on a strict schedule; Ashley wanted the baby to learn how to express her needs. Sally thought pacifiers would ruin the shape of the baby’s mouth; Ashley found research online to prove her mother wrong. Sally believed in spanking; Ashley was vehemently opposed to “corporal punishment.” And let’s not even begin to talk about co-sleeping or bed-sharing. There’s no way that Sally could begin to fathom Ashley’s explanation of the concept. So mother and daughter often took to sulking, and mostly avoided sharing any sort of meaningful dialogue about the baby.
Before you decide that this is simply a classic impasse with no resolution possible, along comes a modern day Mary Poppins (who, coincidentally, looks and talks like a Mediator) to open her bag of tricks and save the day.
What is happening here? What possible words of wisdom can Mary Poppins the Mediator share with Sally and Ashley? Not a lot, as it turns out. Quality over quantity, is what I’m offering. As for Sally and Ashley, and all of your peers, here you go. You can thank me later.
Sally, please stop judging. Try to remember what you felt like when you were a young mother, and your own mom (or your mother-in-law) attempted to tell you what to do. Did you obey?
Ashley, please respect your mother’s experience. Try to listen without commenting. Then make your own decisions. It’s your child, after all, and you will be reaping the rewards, or suffering the consequences of your choices.
Most importantly, remember both of you love that baby. Ashley, keep in mind that Sally is operating with the best of intentions, even if her ideas seem antiquated. And Sally, remember that Ashley is doing everything she can to be a good mother.
Times change, and so do parenting styles. What doesn’t change is our feelings for the youngest members of the family.
I did say at the beginning that this was a story about love.
