I conduct an initial (free) consultation with prospective clients to see whether mediation would be a good fit for their situation. Most often, I don’t have to sell the concept because they’re already open to it simply because they booked an appointment.
Once in a while, though, my Spidey sense kicks in and I can see from the onset that these people aren’t candidates for mediation. For example, there was a husband who continually interrupted me to address his wife’s problems while I was explaining the mediation process. I stopped him the first time by reminding him that the purpose of the consultation was to acquaint them with my services. The second time he interrupted, I asked him to please let me finish what I had to say. The third time he interrupted, I found myself raising my voice to be heard over him. And that’s when I ended the meeting. Clearly this guy needed an advocate to help him prove his case, and not a neutral who would help both parties.
I don’t have to tell you that litigation is both costly and protracted. Yet it’s a definite fit for those who are at an impasse and are willing to let a judge decide. Does this sound a bit jaded? Obviously. But it’s always an option, especially for certain high conflict cases where each party is more interested in being right than in being done. Oops! Another snide comment from the Mediator.
Sticking to the topic at hand, there are sometimes complicated questions of law which need to be sorted out by experienced family law attorneys. Situations concerning contributions to business, real estate, retirement accounts, and stock portfolios often need financial expertise that is best left to other professionals, ones who are specifically trained to sort through gazillions of spreadsheets. I can’t even give you an example of a such a complicated situation because I typically opt out, knowing what I don’t know.
So, what happens when mediation isn’t an option? Remember, you still have choices.
Some people turn to collaborative divorce, a team‑based approach that keeps everyone out of court while still providing legal representation. Others choose arbitration, which is more private and often faster than litigation. And yes, some head straight to court because they need firm deadlines, formal procedures, or a judge’s authority to move things forward.
As a Mediator for more than 15 years, I can unequivocally state that while mediation is a powerful tool, it isn’t the only one. The real goal, whether through mediation, collaboration, or litigation, is to reach a resolution that allows both people to move on with their lives. If mediation isn’t the right fit, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It simply means you’re choosing the path that best matches your circumstances, your communication style, and your capacity for compromise. And that, in itself, is a wise decision.
I have colleagues who are collaborative professionals and family law attorneys and would be happy to be of help to my referrals.
