Some experts consider compromise to be a balancing act. I consider it an art.
Imagine you’ve been commissioned to paint a watercolor for friends of friends. (I’ll call them “Harry” and “Sally”). You’re standing in your studio. There’s a blank canvas perched on an easel, but before you pick up your paintbrush, you have to figure out what that watercolor is going to look like. Or in this case, what Harry and Sally want. Same goes for compromise — figuring out the needs and the wants.
Now that you’ve got an idea of what to paint on your canvas, the next step is to meet with Harry and Sally. This is the time to discuss your concept, share your perspective, and listen to their response. And by listening, I mean active listening. This is accomplished by giving your complete attention to what they’re saying before you start thinking about how you’re going to respond. Active listening also means repeating back what you heard to make sure they know you understood and that you’re on the same page (or canvas).
If, during your conversation with Harry and Sally, you find that your concept of the painting differs from theirs, the next step is to find some common ground. Maybe both visions include flowers, or a sailboat, or a classic car. Compromise requires finding commonality, even if it’s minor at first, because it can be a successful starting point.
Next, make sure that Harry and Sally know you’re willing to do your best to convey their vision of the watercolor. Compromise also requires flexibility.
And finally, tell Harry and Sally when to expect to receive the finished art, and honor that deadline. Effective compromise includes the follow-through.
I’ve spent the past 13 years helping people to resolve conflict by compromising. Whether the issue has to do with legal separation, divorce, custody of the children, or with selling the family business, every single mediation involves compromise. If I perceive that one of the parties has a need to be right and, accordingly, prove the other party wrong, they likely won’t be a good fit for mediation because of their potential inability to compromise.
If you’re one of those people who needs to be right, stop reading this right now. I won’t judge you, I promise.
But if you’re on the brink of a conflict, maybe you can resolve it if you’re willing to compromise. Take a look at this roadmap:
- Identify your own needs and wants.
- Share your perspective and listen to theirs.
- Find some common ground.
- Be flexible.
- Follow through.
I should also add that you might not arrive at a compromise at first. You may need to try again another time. Be patient. Be open-minded. And if you find yourselves at an impasse, give me a call. Mediators have special tricks to help our clients get to the finish line.
On the other hand, if you follow the roadmap to a successful compromise, please send me a picture of the finished painting.
