In divorce mediation, the concept of value occurs frequently. Most often, it has to do with money, as in “my money pays the mortgage,” or “the money in my 401K was deducted from my paycheck.”
I often have to patiently explain that Nevada is considered a community property state, so there generally is no such thing as “my money.” And while they’re considering how unfair the law might be, I ask them to weigh in on the concept of value.
To be transparent, I don’t exactly know what value means to me, but I know for sure that it’s more than money. For example, I believe that time has value. I used to have a friend who was perpetually late each time we made arrangements to get together. I tried lying to him about the start time but I resented the need for deception. So I ultimately told him that I didn’t believe he valued my time. End of friendship.
When I am helping people in conflict, I often share communication tools with my clients. And if they report back to me that they are using those tools, I feel that the service I’ve provided has value.
I also believe that appreciation has value, and evidently so do my divorcing clients. If one of the spouses stays at home to take care of the kids and the household, that parent feels unappreciated for doing all of the things that result in a smoothly-running home. Their contribution to the family has value.
In order to value ourselves, I believe we should consider adding value to those around us. Here are four suggestions:
#1: Provide expert and professional advice. If you are a teacher, you’re already adding value to your students. Same if you are an attorney, a doctor, a therapist, or an accountant.
#2: Educate and Inform. Figure out who needs your help and then provide it. (Maybe ask first.) Whether it’s a cooking tip, a book recommendation, or an explanation of whole life versus term insurance, share your knowledge and your information.
#3: Be accessible. I’ve never forgotten about a past employer who refused to return a phone call until he’d received three voicemails. That’s not what I consider accessible, and he certainly could have added more value to the relationships with his clients had he chosen a different approach.
#4: Show appreciation. You get what you give, and when you appreciate the value someone else has provided to you, it’s inevitable that you will be valued in return.
Obviously, value is both a relative and a personal term. My definition of value doesn’t necessarily match yours. And business value isn’t the same as personal value. I often remind myself that my own value is a work in progress, and my definition of the word is constantly evolving.
How do you define value? How do you provide value to others? Do you do any or all of the four things listed above? Please share your thoughts by commenting.
