I believe that domineering people need to have the last word. And I have no problem allowing them to have it because I’m not usually domineering. Having the last word isn’t important to me. Why does it even matter?
I decided to do some research and, not surprisingly, there are scads of opinions on this subject. According to mental health professionals, there are many reasons why having the last word can be significant. Spoiler alert: their conclusions aren’t exactly glowing or favorable.
The general consensus among psychologists and psychiatrists about people who need to have the last word is that they’re either arrogant, or insecure, or angry, or egotistical. Couple those traits with a need to show dominance or power, and a not-so-pretty picture emerges.
I used to be married to a guy who always had to have the last word, and one of the reasons why we’re no longer together is that he assumed he would win the argument because his voice got louder and louder with each statement he made. My reaction was to be a condescending brat, and I would whisper, “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. Will you speak a little louder?” That usually resulted in either a slammed door or a broken plate (not by me). To be clear, the last word does not have to be an actual word.
In my divorce mediation practice, I often observe that one party clearly wants to get out while the other wants to reconcile. In those types of situations, a shift in power may be occurring. And when that happens, the domineering partner might try to regain power by yelling and arguing, and attempting to get me (the neutral mediator) to agree that he or she was wronged by the other party. That demeanor usually forces me to intervene and it’s not often favorable to the one who’s yelling.
If you think you are living with or working with this type of person, I can offer some help.
The first lesson, and maybe the most important one, is to step away from the debate. When you’re dealing with a domineering individual, remember that you don’t have to continue the conversation in that moment. In fact, there’s always the outside chance that taking a break might give the other person an opportunity to think about what was said, and maybe even grant you a concession or two when (or if) you resume the conversation at another time.
The next lesson is that it’s unnecessary to point out that the other person is wrong. Domineering types almost never admit that you’re right, nor are they generally willing to apologize for their tone.
Finally, the adage that silence is golden is certainly applicable when dealing with a a domineering person. When you initiate the silence by walking away and refusing to engage, you are most assuredly maintaining your dignity and poise.
Hopefully later, you can either reach a resolution or agree to disagree with the mutual goal to move forward.
