“I discovered that joy is not the negation of pain, but rather acknowledging the presence of pain and feeling happiness in spite of it.” ~ Lupita Nyong’o
For more than two years, I’ve had the privilege of volunteering for Adam’s Place, which is a phenomenal non-profit helping children to deal with the loss of a parent or sibling. I work with the adults, and have listened to stories of unimaginable pain. Their strength amazes me. Their resilience inspires me. Each one faces a personal and unique challenge while climbing grief mountain, and all agree that the view at the top is exhilarating, for the simple reason that they got there.
I like to say that every down cycle is followed by an up cycle. I wholeheartedly believe that because I’m a hopeless optimist (forgive the oxymoron). I also know that because I’ve lived through the pain of grief and loss in my own life and have come out of it with a gift greater than I could ever imagine. It says so right on my coffee mug: “She designed a life she loved.” And that life, the birth and growth of my mediation practice, is the gift borne out of my own pain.
I’m sure if you thought about it, you could cite several examples of the gift inside of the pain. There are stories, both fictional and factual, about the families of heart donors finding joy in connecting with the recipient of their loved one’s heart via transplant. Or about the foster parents who adopted a whole family so that the siblings could stay together. Or the firefighter who rescued a kitten and fell in love with its owner. I mean, watch a Hallmark movie or two and you’ll understand what I’m saying. Those writers understand about finding gifts inside of pain.
If I sound like I’m trivializing this, I apologize. I sincerely believe that surviving pain, whether physical or emotional, helps us to become better people. We acquire the ability to become more resilient, more empathetic, more compassionate, more understanding, and more grateful.
Of course, forgiveness can also be a gift inside of the pain. Giving a second chance to someone who’s betrayed you in the past allows you to let go of the space that betrayal was occupying inside of you.
Last but not least is the gift of discovering our own inner strength. How powerful we are when we come to the realization that we have overcome yet another of life’s challenges! Sometimes the simplest act of getting through the minute, the hour, and the day is a gift that we’ve opened out of our own pain. When hundreds of thousands of people in our country no longer have the ability to get through the day, let’s not squander our accomplishments. Instead, let’s acknowledge the presence of happiness in spite of the pain.
If you know of someone who’s found a gift inside their pain, will you please share the story?
Strong meaning words words, thank you.
The title was inspired by a client who’s been going through a very difficult divorce.
Love this article.
Thank you so much!
So very, very true. Love this blog!!
Thank you, Tanya. I know you’re on the same page with this.
Well put. Whatever we have been through has made us the person we are today. We must continue to find the meaning in what we have been through and what we learn from it. And above all find some joy and happiness, sometimes easier said than done.💗
I agree 100% Look for the lesson and look for the joy. If only we could remember that!!
Your words hit an empty in me and made me think long and hard. This is most likely one of your top 10! Your words and experiences are insightful and inspiring. Thanks for being you ❗
You have and do “walk the walk” -so full of truth and love. Thank You for sharing so beautifully my friend!🙏🏻🦋❤️
I appreciate your kind words!
Your words hit an empty in me and made me think long and hard. This is most likely one of your top 10! Your words and experiences are insightful and inspiring. Thanks for being you ❗
Thank you, Robyn! I appreciate you!
great read
reminds me that courage is not being afraid, but doing the right thing in the presence of fear.
Thank you, Larry. Great point!
Time heals all wounds and wounds all heels. The second part is called karma. In order to get through any bad situation you have to want to and recognize every little step back to “you”. Ever step back becomes easier and life becomes better. When going through a terrible loss you forget to look at the good things around you but they are still there. When you get back you enjoy all of the little things that make you smile or laugh and life is good again.
I respectfully disagree with your statement that “time heals all wounds.” I prefer to say that “time helps but it doesn’t heal.” We do forget the good things while we’re in the depths of our loss, and it’s wonderful when we find them again. That’s why I believe time helps.
Such a great read! I totally agree. I think it takes intentional work to see the gift inside the pain. Sometimes it when you have gone through the pain and can look back.
As always, thank you Nancy for sharing your wisdom & words.
Thank you so much, Beth! Isn’t it a wonderful coincidence that we were both on the same page about this?