On a recent flight from Milwaukee, I finished an extraordinary novel. I had to explain to my seatmates that the reason I kept blowing my nose was the sad ending, and not that I was sick. (Comment below and I’ll tell you the title.)

Because one of the underlying themes of the book is the title of this blog, I gave considerable thought as to how I distinguish between my own hopes and expectations. As a result, I no longer use the words interchangeably. There are, in fact, key differences.

I define hope as a wish or a yearning for something good to happen. It’s about what I want to occur.

Expectation, on the other hand, is a firm conviction that something will happen or should happen in a particular way. It’s about what I believe will occur.

When I hope something will happen, I acknowledge that it might not. Because of its inherent uncertainty, I have to be flexible and resilient. And when the outcome doesn’t actually materialize, it’s easier for me to adjust to the disappointment.

When I expect something to happen, I am thoroughly invested in the outcome. If my expectations aren’t met, I feel frustrated, angry, and disappointed. I tend to focus on the end result and assert my own control and/or entitlement over it.

In order to make this more relatable, here are some examples:

When I’m conducting a divorce mediation, I hope that my clients will reach peaceful resolutions. If they don’t, I’ll continue to work hard to help them compromise for the sake of their children. On the other hand, if I expect my divorcing clients to come to an agreement regarding alimony and they don’t, I sometimes feel angry and resentful of their stubbornness. .

In a social context, I hope that my friend will remember my birthday. If she forgets, I might be disappointed but also forgiving as I acknowledge that she has a lot on her plate. But if I expect her to remember my birthday and she doesn’t, I will more likely feel hurt or angry. It might even end the friendship.

In another situation, I hope that the weather will be nice for my barbecue and pool party. If it looks like the day will be way too windy to swim and cook outside, I can always move the party indoors. Or if I’m speaking at a conference, I expect the Wi-Fi to work all day so I can share my presentation, but if it suddenly goes out, I would feel annoyed or frustrated because my speech didn’t go as planned.

In essence, hope is an acceptance of uncertainty and an open-hearted desire for a positive outcome. Expectation is a more rigid and often entitled belief in a specific future event.

So, next time you pick a dandelion in order to make a wish and blow, think about whether your wish is a hope or an expectation. In either event, I want it to work out for you.

2 Comments

Shari Robbins on August 6, 2025 at 3:36 pm

Great clarification! Thank you!
- Nancy on August 6, 2025 at 3:48 pm
  
  Thank you, Shari! I hope you’re doing well (and staying cool).