Because I’m a divorce mediator, the interaction between partners is always interesting to me. I pay particular attention to other diners when I’m at a restaurant. If the couple seems to barely engage in conversation with each other, or if they seem to be absorbed by their phones, I believe I’m correctly assuming that they’re in a long-term relationship.
Which makes me wonder, do couples run out of things to talk about? What if they simply asked each other, “how was your day?”
When I’m conducting a mediation, it’s of the utmost significance that the parties view each other’s perspective. Same goes for asking “how was your day?”
if you’re the person being asked, this simple question shows that they care about your experiences and are interested in your life beyond superficial interactions. You will probably feel validated and seen. It also provides an opportunity for you to talk about your experiences, whether good, bad, or indifferent. You might even choose to vent your frustrations. Additionally, sharing can be therapeutic, providing you with a way to reduce your own stress and anxiety by letting it out to someone who cares. And the fact that they care will undoubtedly strengthen your bond.
If you’re doing the asking, you have bonus benefits. You are developing your own emotional intelligence by understanding the perspective of someone about whom you care. You are strengthening that relationship by showing a genuine interest in the other person. You can discover whether they are struggling with something and might need your support, or you can simply understand how they spent their day. And most importantly, by merely asking the question, you are creating a more positive and caring environment.
So, why do I think this question is important? Well, there are several reasons. First, this most basic of questions can and will strengthen the relationship by fostering a connection. Second, it shows empathy, care, and validation, while also providing an opportunity for sharing. And third, the ensuing conversation will likely contribute to a more positive and supportive environment.
On the other hand, It can be frustrating and isolating when the other person is non-responsive to sharing about their day. Maybe they’re tired or stressed, and simply don’t have the energy to recount it to you. Or maybe your timing isn’t right, and they need to decompress and unwind. If they’re particularly private, they might not feel comfortable with the question, or they may be avoiding something because they’re not ready to talk about it. Also, it might be that they haven’t developed the habit or the skills to articulate the day’s events to someone else.
If you’ve encountered this, perhaps expressing why knowing about their day is so important to you and also by validating their choice to not respond. It’s tricky, isn’t it? Maybe the solution is as easy as going first.
Above all, be patient, recognize their boundaries while, at the same time, staying true to your own needs.
Your input would be appreciated.
