Every so often, I reread “The Four Agreements” sometimes stopping after the first principle, which is to “be impeccable with your word.” To me that means integrity, and some of us may be due for personal check-up.
So, let’s start with a brief quiz:
- Do your actions match your words?
- Do you keep your promises?
- Are you honest, even when it’s difficult?
- Are you the same person in public as you are in private?
Okay, let’s say you answered affirmatively to the preliminary questions. Now it’s time to dig deeper.
- Do you take responsibility for your own mistakes?
- Do you take credit only for your own accomplishments?
- Do you treat everyone with respect, regardless of their position or status?
- Do you consider the impact of your actions on others?
- Do you listen to differing opinions with an open mind?
- Do you help others even when there’s nothing in it for you?
And now to conclude your personal wellness check:
- Have you defined your own values?
- Is your moral code unwavering or do circumstances determine your choices?
It’s difficult to have integrity when you’re not sure of your own beliefs. Taking time to define your own core values is a crucial first step. And then, are there circumstances where your moral code might be compromised? Can someone with power or wealth might influence you to compromise your own integrity?
Applying our own integrity to others can sometimes be a slippery slope. When my friend Colleen committed to giving me a ride to the airport, I believe she had the best of intentions. However, two hours before the appointed time, she texted me to cancel without explanation or apology. (Thank goodness for Uber.) Although I didn’t ask, I wondered why she cancelled on me. Was she having a bad day? Or was she passively-aggressively trying to end our friendship? If she was feeling nervous, depressed, or stressed about anything other than her offer to give me a ride, she should be treated with understanding and compassion. On the other hand, if she wanted to change the value of our friendship, she could have done so with integrity.
Dictionary.com defines integrity as “adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.” While the word “honesty” has a straight forward meaning, I believe that “morals” and “ethics” are subjective. So let’s leave morals and ethics out of this discussion and concentrate solely on honesty. Which leads me to wonder why do some people lack integrity?
My answer has to do with intentions. When I commit to volunteering every Tuesday night, it is with the full intention that I will be there every Tuesday night. It is also with the utmost integrity that I make the commitment because I am, first and foremost, being honest with myself.
At the end of the day, the only person whose integrity I can control is my own. And I do so by carefully choosing my words as well as my intentions. Do you?
