As you can probably imagine, divorce mediation can be an emotional experience. It’s like a gut-punch to me when I hear my clients talk about their dreams being destroyed. Obviously, when we get married, it’s not with the expectation of eventually getting divorced. And when we have children, it’s not with the expectation that we’re going to be single parents.
Sometimes you have to change the dream.
I worked with a couple who started out as male-female. Somewhere along the way, one of the spouses transitioned to the other gender. I can only imagine the heartbreak felt by both of those strong people. This is only one of many situations where I was witness to the end of a dream.
I personally experienced the end of a dream when my husband suddenly died.
Like many of my divorcing clients, I suffered an identity crisis. Obviously, I was no longer a wife. And the word “widow” made me cringe. My financial situation instantly became altered. My emotions were in turmoil, and it took a couple of years for me to figure out a path for my future.
I had to change my dream.
I wish back then that I’d had the insight to reimagine my future. In retrospect, I would have saved myself a few missteps along the way.
If you find your that your dream has changed, try reimagining your own future by considering these pointers:
- Self-Reflection: Take some time to reflect on your values, passions, and goals. What truly matters to you?
- Set Realistic Goals: Break down your long-term dreams into smaller, achievable goals.
- Seek Support: Lean on friends, family, or a therapist to help you process your emotions and stay motivated.
- Embrace Change: Be open to new opportunities and experiences.
- Practice Self-Care: Prioritize your physical and mental health.
- Visualize Your Future: Spend time visualizing your ideal future.
I acknowledge that these steps can be challenging, so maybe consider starting slowly, and not necessarily in the order I’ve listed above. You might want begin by seeking support and practicing self-care before figuring out what really matters to you. For me, the hardest part was embracing change, especially because that change wasn’t my own idea. The death of my husband ended my dream, or so I thought. And yet his death ultimately led me to becoming a mediator, and now I thoroughly embrace my new direction and my new purpose.
Remember, your dreams are yours to shape. Circumstances such as divorce or death of a spouse may have changed your path, but your particular circumstance doesn’t need to erase your potential. By embracing change, setting realistic goals, and seeking support, you can rewrite your story and create a future that you love.
Sometimes you get to change the dream. (See what I did there?)
