Everyone experiences some stress from time to time. Everyone can also admit to feeling anxiety from time to time. Many of us get angry more often than we’d like. In each and every moment of discontent, we all have the ability to deal with these negative emotions in a positive way. It starts and ends with the way we choose to talk to ourselves.
Do you talk to yourself? I talk to myself all the time. Because I’m aware of the impact of self-talk, I understand that when we repeat certain messages to ourselves, they become imprinted in our consciousness. “I’m a worrier.” “I have a right to hold a grudge.” “I hate him.” You get the idea, right?
And now it’s time for us to S.T.O.P.
I cannot take credit for the S.T.O.P. acronym. It’s used by therapists for stress management, for mindfulness, and as a method of cognitive therapy. I first encountered this principle a few years ago while having dinner with a friend who made the admirable decision to take control of both his physical and mental health. He’s not only living S.T.O.P., he’s actually teaching it! So, here goes — let’s see if I’m a good student.
Briefly speaking, when we’re in a situation of stress, anxiety, or anger, it’s beneficial to:
S – Stop
T – Take a breath
O – Observe what’s occurring in that moment
P – Proceed with intention
Of course, situations of stress, anxiety, and anger can occur multiple times each day, and even more so since the onset of the pandemic in 2020. How we choose to handle the anxiety is paramount, but if our self-talk starts out negatively, often times we’re unintentionally exacerbating the stress, the anxiety, and the anger.
By way of a personal example, I got a call a couple of months ago from a friend who, in her unique, passive-aggressive way, told me about an idea she had which I thought was a total imposition on my goodwill. Instead of telling her “no way, absolutely not, it’s a terrible idea, and I think you’re attempting to take advantage of my kindness,” I bought myself some time by asking her to check back with me the next day. But when I hung up the phone, I was furious!
And then I Stopped, Took a breath, Observed that I was in control of the situation, and then I Proceeded with what I had been doing before she interrupted me. The next day when she called me back, I was no longer angry. I simply told her that her suggestion wasn’t going to work for me. Because the S.T.O.P. acronym was in the forefront of my mind, I was able to access it when I needed it.
Now I’d like to challenge you to commit these four simple steps to your own memory. Then, the next time you’re stressed, anxious, or angry, I’ll further challenge you to S.T.O.P. in the moment and give this a try.
Please let me know how it works for you.
