Some of my lifelong values, thanks to the teachings of my parents, are to be respectful and to show consideration for others.  Although I didn’t actually realize it during my childhood, they were also teaching my siblings and me about civility.

Without diminishing the importance of manners and etiquette, it turns out that what I was taught went far beyond saying please and thank you and putting my napkin on my lap.  My parents demonstrated consideration and civility by showing us how they thought we should treat other people.  Their teachings were something I used to take for granted.  Now, I’m thankful for those lessons learned.

Civilized society is nothing new, and it’s nothing revolutionary.  We’ve been co-existing since the beginning of time.  Sometimes we do it well and sometimes, not so much.  So why is it important?

Well, evidently George Washington thought about civility as a form of respect.  At the age of 16 (in 1748) he wrote that “Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present.”  I doubt that he was born with that knowledge.  Civility and consideration are learned behaviors which, quite obviously, some parents teach to their children while others do not.

Civility is important because it enables social discourse.  And social discourse is important so that we may understand each other.  Regardless of your passion, your volume, or your intensity, there’s a possibility, however remote, that you might be wrong.  If you engage in civil conversations with others, you may walk away enlightened.  If you don’t, you may walk away having had a few insults hurled at you.  However, as hurtful as those insults may be in the moment, in the grand scheme of things, they’re meaningless.  Outbursts of anger or frustration not only lack civility, but they also usually lack substance.

If you were on your school’s debate team, you were taught the rules and were expected to follow them.  If you’ve ever watched a political debate on television, you’ve observed those who try to ignore the rules by interrupting, shouting, and name-calling.  Does that lack of consideration and civility garner favor in your eyes?  Or are you more inclined to lean towards the debater who respectfully states a position?

Now imagine that you’re the one at the podium.  You have two minutes to state your position, and then you must listen while your opponent has two minutes to state an opposing view.  What do you suppose would happen if no winner was declared?  Would you have learned something while exercising consideration and civility toward each other?

How can we do better?  Well, for starters, we probably ought to teach our children a few things beyond the basic “please” and “thank you.”  Anticipating someone else’s needs, particularly someone older, can also be the beginning lessons for consideration and civility.  Offering assistance, delivering an unsolicited compliment, or even walking around with a smile are easy ways to do better.  What can you add to this list?