Several years ago, I conducted a family mediation. Mom lived alone and her three adult siblings each wanted her to live with them. I gave everyone an opportunity to “pitch” why Mom should move in with them and, in Mom’s case, why she should stay put. The oldest argued that she was the firstborn and therefore entitled. The middle child went next. He was obviously the best choice because he was the highest earner and had the biggest house where Mom could have her own bedroom and bathroom. The youngest child argued that she was Mom’s favorite and that she loved Mom more than either of her siblings. Mom said she was happy living alone in peace, and she was tired of her kids’ rivalry. Mom said, “this is the first time I’ve been in the same room with you all since the barbecue last summer, and I’m still so ashamed of you.” Turns out that the sisters got into a physical altercation in their brother’s backyard on July 4th. The brother was embarrassed by both of them because his neighbors witnessed the chaos.
In that scenario, each of the family members had to let go of their opinions of each other in order to move forward. Once they were able to do that, an obvious solution occurred. Mom gave up her apartment, moved in with her son, and the daughters each volunteered to take Mom to the doctor, the hairdresser, and the store. They even worked out an actual schedule and walked out of my office hugging and laughing. Why? Because they were able to let go of their opinions of each other and move forward for the greater good of the family.
Let go of the opinion of others, when those opinions control your thoughts.
“Christy’s” parents had been married for more than 50 years when her mother died. A year later, her dad married “Joanne” and then put Joanne’s name on the deed to the family house. Christy never liked Joanne and it hurt to see her living in their childhood home, cooking in her mother’s kitchen, and even driving her mother’s car. Then, suddenly, Christy’s dad had a stroke and died. Less than a month later, Joann packed up the entire house, sold it, and moved to Arizona. Every time Christy called Joanne to talk about the contents of the house, Joanne said she needed time to think. Ultimately, Christy and Joanne participated in a mediation on Zoom. Turns out that Joanne was terrified that Christy wanted to take everything back, leaving Joanne without even a fork or a plate, and that’s why she kept making excuses. Once Joanne realized that Christy only wanted a few items having sentimental value, Joanne was able to let go of her fears. Christy drove to Phoenix to pick up the agreed-upon things. No more excuses. Decision made.
Let go of making excuses when you might be better served by making decisions.
How have you benefitted by letting something go?
