I recently posted this blog on LinkedIn after a particularly interesting session with a divorcing couple. As I was listening to them, and as they were working hard to reach difficult decisions about their family, I found myself wondering what drew them to each other in the first place. They seemed to be such polar opposites. I observed that both the husband and the wife were holding onto things that, in my opinion, were preventing them from moving on with their lives.
I view mediation as a metaphorical bridge that people ending a relationship must cross in order to get to the other side. And when there are children involved, it can be a lot more difficult to consciously let go of the things that are holding us back. In fact, it is also a lot more difficult to realize what we’re holding onto in the first place, and whether it’s helping us or hindering us. Often times, it’s simply a habit. We’ve always talked to ourselves in this manner; we’ve always viewed ourselves in this way; this is the what we learned from our parents. But ending a relationship, regardless of whose idea it was in the first place, is an automatic “do-over.” Ever the optimist, I view the end of a relationship as the beginning of another. It can be a golden opportunity for reinvention. And so, I wrote this blog in the hopes that those of us who are in the process of our own reinvention may see the way clear to letting go of some of the impediments of the past.
Of the opinions of others, when those opinions control your thoughts.
Of the shame of past failures, when there’s nothing you can do to change the past.
Of your own indecision, when it causes you to simply tread water.
Of procrastinating, when you’re delaying what really matters to you.
Of running away from problems, when you ought to figure out how to fix them.
Of making excuses, when you might be better served by making decisions.
Of overlooking the positive parts of your life, when you could be feeling grateful.