Recently, a guy murdered his ex-wife and her new husband. He shot them in cold blood at a grocery store near my office, a place I stop at from time to time on my way home from work. Evidently, they were in the midst of a court battle over custody and child support. I don’t know what caused the guy to think that murder was the answer. We may never know.
How did it get that bad?
Most custody disputes don’t start with violence, they start with fear. Fear of losing time with the children, of losing control, of being replaced. When those fears go unspoken or unmanaged, they can harden into resentment, and resentment can turn into desperation. As a divorce mediator, I see early warning signs long before a tragedy makes the news.
A red flag can occur when I observe a client who is obsessed about winning. I recall “Brian” who caught his wife cheating with her co-worker. He wanted to punish her by threatening to take the kids away. I asked “Chrissy” to have a seat in my office lobby so that I could talk to Brian privately. Then I listened to Brian vent about the situation and showed some empathy before reminding him that Nevada was a no-fault divorce state without requiring grounds for divorce. That private conversation seemed to diffuse Brian’s need to be the winner and make Chrissy the loser.
Resentment is another red flag. “Mario” and “Elyse” were revisiting their parenting plan, and it was clear to me that Elyse was bitter about Mario having a new girlfriend. It quickly turned into a shouting match, with Elyse yelling “that whore will not go anywhere near my children!” Again, I separated the couple. This time, I had a heart-to-heart with Elyse, allowing her to share her feelings of jealousy,
Custody disputes can bring out the worst in people, but they can also bring out the best. When parents choose communication over combat, when they ask for help instead of acting out of fear, the entire trajectory changes. I’ve seen it happen too many times to dismiss it as luck. With the right support, families can move forward with dignity, safety, and a renewed commitment to their children.
Tragedies like the one at that grocery store shake us. But they also remind us why early intervention, honest conversation, and skilled guidance matter. Every time two parents sit down and choose dialogue over destruction, they’re rewriting their story so that conflict doesn’t have to end in catastrophe.
If you know anyone who is living in a volatile situation, please encourage them to seek help sooner rather than later.
